Tiger Woods Apologizes for Skanky Waitress Affair

Today, superior golfer and billionaire Tiger Woods apologized on his web site via a statement that revealed he had in fact been in an affair of some sort. 

“As you all know, I had a single-car accident earlier this week, and sustained some injuries. I have some cuts, bruising and right now I’m pretty sore. This situation is my fault, and it’s obviously embarrassing to my family and me. I’m human and I’m not perfect. I will certainly make sure this doesn’t happen again. This is a private matter and I want to keep it that way. Although I understand there is curiosity, the many false, unfounded and malicious rumors that are currently circulating about my family and me are irresponsible. The only person responsible for the accident is me. My wife, Elin, acted courageously when she saw I was hurt and in trouble. She was the first person to help me. Any other assertion is absolutely false. This incident has been stressful and very difficult for Elin, our family and me. I appreciate all the concern and well wishes that we have received. But, I would also ask for some understanding that my family and I deserve some privacy no matter how intrusive some people can be.”

My prayers go out to Tiger’s Wife, his kids and him (sort of).  While he is to blame for the affair, the kiss and tell element always is worse. This should have been settled between the two of them privately not on TMZ, US Weekly, and every other blog (including my own).  What could have possibly been worked out between husband and wife will now be a serious battle with pride because his skanky mistress released voicemails to Sun Magazine.  (I wonder how much they paid her for that). 

Cocktail waitress (and I use that title loosely) Jaimee Grubbs, now 24, tells Us Weekly she began having an affair with Woods, 33, in April 2007.  She tells Us Weekly they went on to have 20 sexual encounters over three years.  Now, can anyone tell me why you keep count and then share it with a national tabloid paper, unless…that’s right – you wanted to get paid!  Also, if you’ve only had a man 20 times in three years…wait, I’m not going to get into that.  Lord forgive me.  I digress.  Now, let’s move on.

Plus, the girl is not prettier than his wife.  She’s a reality star vixen from the VHI show Tool Academy, who is obviously going to get her five minutes of fame at all costs.  Go figure – he downgraded and got the real 80/20 deal.  I wonder if Tiger signed a prenup?  Hopefully, it won’t get to that, but he should have known THAT ONE would snitch him out as soon as some flashed her an EBT card. 

The Los Angeles cocktail lady tells the new Us Weekly (on newsstands Wednesday) that she had a steamy 31-month fling with Tiger Woods and has a voicemail recording and text messages to prove it.  I just want men and women with 2 pennies to rub together to know that the only person who you should trust is the one that you walked down the isle with, the local honeypot is just after you for your money and wouldn’t give you the time of day if you were just a regular guy or girl.

The other supposed mistress completely denies.  ‘THIS is ridiculous. Not a word of it is true,” Rachel Uchitel told The Post. “I told the Enquirer and Star that it wasn’t true. I told them not only did I have information to disprove the story, but I offered to take a lie-detector test.”

“It’s the most ridiculous story. It’s like they are asking me to comment if there are aliens on Earth. I found out who their sources were [Uchitel says she understands there were two sources to the story], which girls were blabbing.

“The worst thing is that everybody in New York is talking about me and Tiger Woods now because their reporters have been calling up everyone I know or have ever worked with, asking what they know about the supposed affair.”

Hopefully the couple can reconcile.  Sources said that he was in the market for a “Kobe” ring  for a peace offering.  It obviously appears that his wife beat him while he was driving because of the affair and now he’s simply taking it like a man. 

Tiger has stayed out of the tabloid before with only very small stories.  So, I hope that he bounces back and realizes that as soon as something else bigger comes around, they’ll forget all about his fling.

My advice: Go to marriage counseling.  Work through your issues.  Don’t cheat and move on – that is unless he’s a habitual cheater (which will make for an awesome book).

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